


We Need To Talk About Kevin

by lesbianoodle



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: ALL ABOARD THE KEVIN TRASH TRAIN, Alternate Universe - Human, Cecil and Kevin are brothers, He's really messed up, Kevin destroys relationships, M/M, Past Violence, There's kind of a reason for kevin being the way he is, Twins actually, actually several reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-31 01:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8558632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianoodle/pseuds/lesbianoodle
Summary: A small window into the life of Kevin Palmer.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aleph_Null](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleph_Null/gifts), [PageofD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PageofD/gifts).



> This was going to be the third chapter of my other fic but then it turned out to be far too long??? It just works better as a standalone, trust me. Also, it's just five thousand words exploring how Kevin would function in the real world. 
> 
> Exactly how well would he function? Eh... Not great. 
> 
> Still inspired mostly by Pins and Needles written by the amazing: 
> 
> Aleph_Null (oh-fanon-my-canon)  
> pageofD (lonelyboyinthelab)

"No, it's wonderful! I'm so happy for them. I'm so happy that my twin brother finally got somebody so beautiful and smart and wonderful to spend all his time with. I don't have a problem with it at all. Why would I have a problem? Just because Carlos and I were really beginning to get along doesn't mean that I'm jealous of them at all. I think it's great!" 

Kevin smiles widely, leaning on the desk that separates him from the miserable man sat across from him, and tries to get a decent look at what the man is jotting down in his notepad. He barely catches a glimpse at his name written at the top of his page before his therapist closes the notepad suddenly and gestures for Kevin to lean back a little. Honestly, some people can be so incredibly touchy when it comes to their thoughts and opinions. Kevin is only curious about what the man had to say about him! He has a right to read those things, he thinks. 

And so what if he broke the rule about staying on his side of the desk? 

"Kevin, I understand that you were beginning to have quite the little crush on this scientist." The therapist says, observant as ever, "But that's hardly an excuse for your behaviour this week. According to this note from your brother, you..." He flicks through his notes to read from it directly, "Followed them to the restaurant and proceeded to 'talk obnoxiously loudly about a Smiling God in an attempt to frighten people'." 

"I wouldn't say _obnoxiously_ loudly." Kevin continues to lean on the desk, leering a little as he speaks, "I would say that perhaps I was intruding a little. But I was only concerned about my brother. He hasn't been on a date in such a long time. I worry about him." 

"Yes, you said that before." The therapist states, adjusting his glasses, "You said you were very worried about Cecil being in a relationship again, after what Earl did to him. But then, a few weeks ago, you said that what happened with Earl was entirely your fault." 

"Are you calling me a liar?" Kevin raises an eyebrow, "You know I don't tell lies." 

"No, certainly not, Kevin. I think you've made a great deal of progress since we started our sessions six weeks ago." The therapist pauses, before continuing, "I'm merely suggesting that you seem to struggle to see things from other people's perspectives. And I think, sometimes, from your own perspective too. You struggle to define what is right and what is wrong. And you struggle to understand how your own actions affect other people." 

"Maybe you're right. Maybe you're not. I guess, since this is the last session I'm legally required to attend, there's no real way of finding about whether you're right." Kevin shrugs and clasps his hands together, "Now, how about we watch the last sixteen minutes of my mandatory therapy tick down together? Doesn't that sound fun and super productive?" 

After that wonderful final session finally comes to an end, Kevin excuses himself from the office and heads downstairs. He waves to the woman who works in reception, who rolls her eyes in a rather unpleasant way, and steps outside into the crisp air. He does love the freezing season of winter, where everybody works hard with their nose pushed hard to the grindstone, and the Smiling God seems to recede for a while at least. The bright light of enlightenment seems to disappear for a while and he can look forward to it returning again soon. Oh! And not to mention that winter means the blisteringly cold snow that he loves so much. 

Kevin checks the watch around his wrist for the time and realises he's perfectly on time once again to meet Carlos outside of the work- as per routine, Carlos will leave work at 10:00pm and Cecil will be far too busy at the radio station to come and pick him up. Not that Carlos knows that, of course. Either Carlos is deaf or ignorant because he doesn't seem to have made the connection between Cecil his boyfriend and Cecil who swoons over him on public radio. Is Cecil afraid to tell him? Or doesn't Cecil know that his boyfriend is unaware?

And is ignorance truly bliss? Kevin honestly can't wait to find out. 

"Carlos!" He catches sight of the scientist on the sidewalk, juggling some papers, a book, and his cellphone between just two hands. He catches him up quickly and takes the papers from him, carrying them so that Carlos doesn't have to. 

"Uh, thanks, Kevin." Carlos says, uneasy as ever, "What are you doing out here?"

"I came to walk with you, silly. Just like I do every single day." Kevin reminds him, in case he's forgotten, "I know that you pretend you don't talk to me for the sake of my brother. But really, I think everybody knows how much you love talking to me." 

"Sure." Carlos adjusts his glasses, looking so beautiful that Kevin nearly walks directly into a lamppost, "How about instead of... Whatever this is, you just tell me about work or something." 

When Kevin talks about work, Carlos's eyes glass over and he starts staring at the sidewalk. Instead of talking, Carlos just nods along and Kevin knows for sure that he definitely isn't listening to a single word that he's saying. Sometimes, he doesn't know why he bothers walking Carlos home at night when he definitely isn't appreciated by him but Kevin's ex-therapist had a theory that it was because Kevin's so used to being alienated, even the slightest bit of attention is good for him. Maybe he's onto something or maybe he isn't but either way, it doesn't matter. 

Carlos could sock him in the jaw, (even though he'd never do anything like that), and Kevin would still show up every single day to walk him home. Because Carlos is that beautiful. 

"Well, today I-" And that's the second that Carlos stops listening, right there. Kevin watches him zone out completely, losing himself in his thoughts, but continues talking anyway. Barely anybody talks to him anymore- they all think he's some kind of freak- so when somebody is just willing to listen, that's good enough. The only other person who listens is Cecil. 

If Kevin has learnt to do anything over the last few years, it's to repress his feelings and hide them easily with a smile. So, when he found out that Cecil and Carlos were dating, he just smiled and told them how wonderful it was. When his therapist asked him how he was doing, at the start of each session, he just smiled and told him that everything was fine. And when he found out that the people that screwed him over in the first place were going to be walking free out of Night Vale's only jail and escaping to another city, he just smiled. It's better that way. Positivity is good for everybody and any kind of negative thought... Should just be deleted. 

And as Carlos reaches his house and awkwardly shakes Kevin's hand, before discretely wiping his hand on his lab coat, Kevin smiles at him. He watches the man disappear into his home before continuing on his way down the sidewalk. He knows that when he gets home, he'll be alone and in the dark, so he takes a walk around the block to stall. 

"Hello, house!" Kevin says, brightly, when he throws open the door to the apartment above the shop that him and Cecil both work in, "How are you doing today? Let's turn on a light..." He switches on the lights in a swipe and closes the door behind him, "Ah, it's good to be home!" 

He hangs his jacket up and notices on of Carlos's jackets slung across their couch, like it belongs there. Kevin picks it up and presses it to his nose, inhaling as deeply as he can. Letting out a contented sigh, he looks over the jacket. No doubt, Carlos left it here because he spent the night with Cecil- they pretend to be discrete but they're both leaving clues around the apartment constantly- and Kevin holds the jacket up by the collar. 

"Silly Carlos, leaving his things at our apartment." He says, a grin on his face, "Best to put this where it belongs."

He passes through their front room into the kitchen, where they keep the trash can. Flipping the lid open, he dangles the jacket above it for a taunting moment, delighting at the thought of his brother finding this later. Then, he drops the jacket into the trash and leaves it there. 

"Next time, he should remember to take his things home with him. Oh, beautiful Carlos. When will you learn not to leave things where they don't belong?" Kevin shakes his head with a sigh, before turning his back and inspecting the refrigerator for dinner. 

As he eats, alone once again, Kevin switches the radio on and listens to the sound of his brother talking. Admittedly, Cecil always did have the voice for radio but their mother always said that his face was much too pretty for it. Still, it had been his dream since they were children to host a radio show; the old video tapes, the ones that their mother had kept, showed the two of them as children playing at radio. They had a large cardboard box that had made up their radio station and somehow, Kevin and Cecil had both managed to squeeze inside. Most of the time, Cecil did most of the broadcasting. He said that Kevin did it wrong. 

Kevin had never really cared about doing things wrong or right- he was just excited that somebody had wanted to play with him. Even as a child, even before he'd changed his appearance so drastically, he'd been estranged and outcast by other children. Cecil had been the only one willing to play with Kevin and even then, there had been rules. No biting, no licking, no talking about creepy things, and no talking about Lauren. She had been Kevin's girlfriend from when he was eight to when he was fourteen. Cecil hadn't liked her. 

"I wonder what would happen if I called Carlos and told him to switch the radio on." Kevin smiles, absentmindedly, "Would you be upset, Cecil? Or would you be grateful? Haven't you ever told him about what you do as a night job?" 

Cecil doesn't return home until midnight and Kevin is annoyed to see that he appears exhausted. In his opinion, Cecil should be grateful to have two jobs because it gives him an opportunity to work twice as hard as everybody else. He'll be rewarded for it later, Kevin tells him, but he just rolls his eyes and says he doesn't believe in a Smiling God. 

"Kevin, how did your final session go?" Cecil asks, as he collapses onto the other side of the couch and runs a hand through his hair, "You didn't bite the therapist, did you?" 

"No, Cecil." Kevin bares his teeth at him in a grin, "Though, I did get my teeth filed again the other day. Thank you so much for noticing. They do look great, don't they?" 

"You look as unnerving and indescribable as ever." Cecil says. 

"Thank you!" Kevin beams, "You always say the nicest things. Speaking of nice things, why doesn't your boyfriend have any idea that you host a nighttime radio show?"

"He does know." Cecil frowns at him, "I told him weeks ago and he said that he was "completely cool with it". Even though he was initially surprised and wanted to know why I hadn't told him sooner, he said it was "cute" how smitten I was with him. Didn't he tell you? I thought you two were becoming great friends-" 

Disappointment slaps Kevin across the face. 

"He wasn't mad?" He had been sure that as soon as Carlos found out the man swooning over him on the radio was Cecil, they would have a huge fight and break up, "I mean, it's great that he wasn't mad about it! I'm so happy for you guys. You're great together." 

"Thank you, Kevin. I'm glad to have your blessing." Cecil seems to brighten a little, sitting up straight, "Can I tell you about the cutest thing that Carlos when we met for lunch today?" 

He then launches into an incredibly long story about something cute and most likely science related that Carlos did at lunch today. If he's completely honest, Kevin doesn't exactly hang onto his every single word and instead just stares at where his phone is still lying upwards on the table. Shortly afterwards, as soon as Cecil stops for a moment to breathe, he gets up from the couch and excuses himself for bed. After all, he's got three or four clients booked for tomorrow and he can't be half asleep when he's piercing _certain places_ that he could permanently damage if his hand slipped. He picks his phone up on his way. 

As he climbs into bed, he finally summons up his courage and unlocks his phone. Kevin carefully types out a text message, putting thought into it, and sends it quickly. He stares at his phone until Carlos responds, telling him simply to stop flirting with him and just leave him alone please. Kevin explains that he's just trying to be his friend. After that, Carlos must drop his phone or something because he doesn't send any kind of response. 

"Oh, beautiful Carlos..." Kevin sighs, shaking his head, "I'll never understand you."

He leaves his phone on his bedside dresser and switches out the light. 

In the dark, it's even harder to put things into perspective. Drifting between dreams and memories and lying awake in the dark, almost nothing seems to make sense and Kevin can only close his eyes tightly to ignore what seems to loom over him. 

And when he wakes up, for real, Cecil sounds frustrated in the other room. He must have finally discovered Carlos's jacket in the trash because he definitely mutters Kevin's name more than once before shutting the front door and disappearing downstairs. He never sticks around for too long in the mornings, then he works all night, and now, he spends all his spare time with Carlos. Luckily, Kevin is used to being left alone for extended periods of time. 

He showers and get dressed just like a "normal person" and looks at himself in the bathroom mirror for a long time and admires how good he looks now that his pupils are like empty voids. The stitches at the corners of his mouths were a nice touch too. Like Cecil said one time, while he was angry, Kevin looks as creepy on the outside as he is on the inside now. Delightful! He's finally matched up to his own standards. Kevin smiles at himself, poking his studs into place, and straightens out his tie. Some would say he overdresses. He doesn't agree with them. 

Then, Kevin heads downstairs. 

"Good morning, Cecil!" Kevin calls, as he sweeps into the room; he's caught off-guard by the sight of Carlos standing there too, looking a cross between frustrated and anxious, "Oh, I didn't know your boyfriend was here! Sorry for interrupting." 

Cecil grits his teeth. "Hi, Kevin. You want to explain why you threw Carlos's jacket in the trash last night for absolutely no reason or do you want to save it for your therapist?"

"Ah, you forget that my therapy sessions ended yesterday, Cecil." Kevin replies, pleasantly, as moves behind the desk to check in his first client on the day, "I'm much more balanced now, I believe. I've seen the face of the Smiling God again and I understand now that I need to work harder in order to secure myself a happy place in life." 

"Smiling God?" Carlos looks confused, confirming that he never listens to a single word that Kevin says, "Is that some kind of... Uh, religious thing?" 

"It's a delusion." Cecil says.

"Excuse me, you two, but I'm trying to check in my first client." Kevin says, as he waves the woman by the door towards him, "Hi, I'm Kevin. My brother and his boyfriend were just leaving."

Work is like second nature to him. Predominantly, he works with a piercing gun but occasionally, somebody will come directly out of the left field with their request. Over the years, he's done something very interesting body modifications for people who have mostly sworn him to secrecy, but today is very bland. His clients are boring regulars that want simple piercings or occasionally something else. A few people have asked him before about the stitches that dig into his cheeks but he's said that he doesn't do them. That's a lie. But sometimes, people have to lie when they're being selfish. 

It's like when Kevin says that he doesn't do tattoos- but he was the one that tattooed his own eyeballs with extreme care and patience. He lies because he's selfish. He doesn't want anybody else to look like him- not that he'd ever tell anybody that. 

Kevin throws himself into his work, maybe because it's the most important thing in life or maybe because it's all that he has left in life. Bonds with his family were severed years ago when his mother died and Cecil started caring about other things. His closest friend is definitely Carlos, who is always coming up with reasons to escape their conversations. Following him... His other friends are Lauren Mallard, the girl he dated, who sometimes acknowledges him in public or Earl Harlan, the man who dated Cecil before Kevin convinced him to cheat. That man had simply been too innocent and naïve for his own good. 

"Kevin." Cecil bothers him during his lunch break, "You aren't ignoring me, are you? You know how concerned I get when you stop talking altogether. It's dangerous for you to get lost in your own head. Kevin?" 

"I can hear you, Cecil." Kevin informs him. 

"Oh." Cecil looks taken aback, "It's just... Normally, when you're working, you talk a lot. Or hum that song under your breath. The one that-" He hums a part of it quietly, "- you know. It's just strange for you to be so quiet for once." 

"I'm fine, Cecil." Kevin assures him, patting him on the arm, "Are you getting lunch with Carlos again or can you spare a moment for your favourite twin?" 

Cecil considers. "I'll get lunch with you, Kevin, of course." 

And for the first time in a very long time, they get lunch together. The subject of Carlos is removed from the table completely by Cecil's request, which means they actually get to talk about themselves instead of the scientist that they both fawn over. Kevin is grateful. He hears a lot about Cecil's misadventures in the radio station- the kind of stories that Cecil used to tell him when they were younger- and he almost smiles genuinely for a minute. In return, Kevin tells him a lot about the Smiling God and the videos he's been watching of them as kids and how much he's been thinking about the past recently. Maybe because the anniversary is coming up. 

When Kevin mentions the anniversary of the incident, Cecil takes a long sip of wine and looks incredibly uncomfortable. He always looks uncomfortable when Kevin brings it up, which might be why they've never really talked about it. But when Kevin tells him firmly that he's planning to acknowledge it, Cecil says he'd like to be there. And then, after a couple of minutes of uncomfortable silence, Cecil says that he should be going. He leaves Kevin to sit alone, smiling down into his drink and wondering why his brother is so uncomfortable talking about it. 

"Hello, Carlos." Kevin is surprised to find the scientist waiting for him when he gets home later, "Are you here to spend some quality time with me? Because, I think, with Cecil out of the way, you and me could become very close friends. Intimate friends." 

"Um, no." Carlos eyes him nervously, "Cecil gave me a key to your apartment a few weeks ago."

"Oh." Kevin grins, "Is that so? And are you here to wait for him? Because I think he went to the radio station early to prepare for tonight's show. As you very well know, neither of us work _downstairs_ on Sunday afternoons." He draws out the word to make it sound dirty, "You'll be waiting a long time for him. Maybe I could keep you company." 

"Actually, uh, I came here to see you. Kevin." When Carlos says his name, he doesn't meet Kevin's eyes and looks away uncomfortably instead, "I mean, if that's okay. If it's not, I can definitely come back later instead. Maybe when Cecil's here and-" 

"No, you must stay. You must get so lonely when Cecil is at work." Slowly, Kevin advances towards him and runs his tongue thoughtfully over his lower lip, "I can keep you company. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Carlos?" 

"Can you just... Be serious for a minute?" Carlos sits down hesitantly on the edge of the couch, looking like he would rather be anywhere else, "I need to talk to you. I'm really worried me and Cecil might be... Making things hard for you." 

Kevin laughs and slowly moves closer, until he's reached the couch, before sitting down next to him. Unlike Carlos, he relaxes on the couch and tries to slide an arm around Carlos using a maneuverer that he thinks he saw in a movie once. Instead of leaning into him, Carlos moves to avoid his arm and rubs his hands on her knees. Upon careful observation, Kevin realises that the scientist's palms are sweating and clammy... like he's anxious. Kevin smiles, reassuringly. 

"Don't worry, Carlos. I'm perfectly comfortable with the presence of you." He tries to take Carlos's hands but again, Carlos manages to squirm away from him, "And I'm very happy for both you and Cecil. You make a very nice couple. Weren't you nominated for the Night Vale Cutest Couple Award just last week?"

"It's really weird that you guys have that." Carlos laughs a little and Kevin mimics him, "But I really want to make sure that you're okay. Cecil says you've been acting even weirder than usual since me and him started dating. Really quiet. He's worried about you, Kevin." 

"You guys don't need to worry about me." Kevin assures him, smiling, "Honestly, I'm fine. I've just had a lot of other things on my mind recently but I'm repressing them, don't worry about it. When the anniversary rolls around, I start thinking a little more about the past. Did Cecil tell you that even when we were kids, I was the outsider?" 

"No, he didn't." Carlos shakes his head, "But I know what it's like." 

Kevin's eyes widen in surprise. "You could have never been an outcast, Carlos. You're perfect." 

It's really hard to imagine Carlos as being the lonely kid on the playground, considering how much everybody in Night Vale has grown to love him. It's hard to picture him having nobody to talk to when he's just so fascinating. He's not like Kevin- not at all- so why wouldn't he be liked? It's not like he drives everybody away with his words. It's not like the other kids would have picked on Carlos for being "freakish" and "weird" the same way they did Kevin. They wouldn't have run away from Carlos, screaming not to let him touch them or else they might catch whatever it was that made him "crazy". Carlos could never have been an outcast. 

"That's nice of you, Kevin. I guess." Carlos says, "But I really didn't have many friends as a kid. Nobody really wanted to be friends with the scientist kid. I was boring. So, I think, what I'm saying is that I was pretty lonely when I was younger. Even here, I don't really fit in. I'm the only scientist in town. It's sort of like being the weird kid all over again."

"But everybody loves you here." Kevin pushes. 

"Yeah. I've been trying to work out why." Carlos pushes his glasses higher up on his nose, "But I can't figure it out. Maybe it's because finding a scientist is like finding a unicorn for you guys." 

"You're also very beautiful. That probably helps." Kevin says, "The Smiling God has blessed you with the face of an illegal angel, Carlos. You must be one of his favourites." 

And just like that, Carlos appears uncomfortable again. 

"That wasn't the point I was trying to make. I was just trying to explain to you how we were the same. How we were alike. I was trying to relate to you." Carlos stumbles over his words. 

"You're nothing like me, silly Carlos! People don't cross the street when they see _you_ coming." Kevin grins, "You're simply too wonderful!" 

Carlos doesn't hang around for very long after that, saying that he has to be somewhere for something right now that he totally forgot about, and closes the door behind him on his way out. Kevin moves to the window so that he can watch the beautiful scientist traipse down the sidewalk in the direction of his home, stopping only to talk to a woman who looks curious about something. He sighs and draws the curtains, thinking only of darling Carlos. Kevin isn't really sure why his brother wins everything in life and he seems to be left behind, gaining the sloppy seconds. He hits on Cecil's boyfriend instead of getting his own, he works at Cecil's place because he was the only person willing to hire him and he never got to be on the radio. 

Kevin always wanted to be on the radio because his older brother wanted to be on the radio and little brothers always want the same things as their older brothers. Even if his brother was only older by a few minutes, those few minutes seemed to make the difference between them. When he watches the videos they have of them as children, he notices how Cecil seems to be the leader. He's the one making all the decisions and Kevin is just mirroring them, copying them, but he's not quite copying them correctly. He's getting things confused and twisted. 

He decides, for the first time in a while, that he's going to meet his brother at work. Checking the clock, he realises that it's only half past eleven and there's still another half hour until Cecil's show finishes- that's perfect. It gives him time to walk across town to the community radio station and let himself inside. And smile at a passing intern and tell them that he's Kevin- _"Cecil's brother? His twin brother? Yes, that's me"_ \- and ask them for directions. 

When he enters the room, Cecil raises an eyebrow at him, curious, but continues to talk about the new opera house. Kevin waves at him eagerly and waits. Only when Cecil's taken them to the weather does he step out of the booth to ask exactly what Kevin is doing here. 

"You never come to the radio station anymore." Cecil looks pleased, "I missed it. Remember when you used to come all the time? I sometimes let you read the traffic report. You've got a great voice for radio, Kevin. People need your kind of positivity." 

"Thank you, Cecil." Kevin is oddly flattered, "I was thinking a lot about when we were children and we used to pretend a radio station in our backyard. And I was thinking about how I always copied you, mirrored your actions as well as I could. And how I never stopped copying you." 

He's followed Cecil, always few minutes behind, since the day they were born. Through school, all the way to college. To the apartment that used to only belong to Cecil until Kevin showed up. They even work in the same place during the day now and like the same man. And it's not the first time that they've both liked the same man, either. Kevin's beginning to wonder whether these things are truly coincidence or if he's still mimicking Cecil's actions. 

Cecil nods, slowly. "We are twins, Kevin. Maybe we're just more alike than you like to pretend." 

Maybe he's right. Kevin's ex-therapist had another theory about him and it was that, ever since the incident a year ago, he'd reverted back to the person who he had been when he was younger. Obviously, Kevin didn't want to believe him. But it was like having his head kicked in had damaged something somewhere, making empathy harder and lying easier, and he'd lost a part of who he was. Who he had become. Looking back at pictures of himself from two years ago, Kevin just looks so different to who he is now. People liked him. He was a friend to everybody. His positivity was admired across the entire town. 

After the incident, Kevin had lost something. He was an outcast all over again. People didn't like to be around him, talk to him, and they avoided eye contact with him. It was miserable when he thought about it, which is probably why he never does think about it. He shakes his head. 

"I think therapy helped me a great deal with coming to terms with some things, Cecil." Kevin says, choosing his words carefully, "Maybe it was a good thing that I attacked Earl for breaking your heart."

"No, it's-" Cecil sighs, looking defeated, "Believe whatever you want, Kevin. Getting help was good for you, just like the police decided it would be. But there's still a lot you have to work on."

"I'm not going to stop being me, Cecil." Kevin informs him. 

"Of course not. But would you like to read out this announcement from City Council?" Cecil retrieves a slip of paper from his pocket and hands it to him. 

Kevin can't deny the honest excitement that bubbles up inside of him and it's a feeling that he hasn't experienced in a very long time indeed. He takes the slip of paper from his brother, without so much as glancing at it, and slips inside the radio booth after him. The intern- who's name Kevin has already forgotten, even though they did introduce themselves earlier- gives him a thumbs up and the weather comes to an end. Cecil reintroduces him to Night Vale as his brother and closest friend quickly, before indicating that he read the announcement. Shaking with excitement, Kevin pulls the piece of paper taught and clears his throat. 

As his eyes race over the lines ahead of his voice, he suddenly freezes. He glances up at Cecil, wondering if he had read this announcement before handing it to him or if this is just a cruel joke to punish Kevin for showing up here. Clearly, coldly, Kevin begins to read aloud:

"This is a reminder from your City Council that next Tuesday is the anniversary of our own Kevin Palmer being attacked outside of the Dog Park last year. We will be having a moment of silence and respect for him. Listeners are reminded that Kevin does not like to talk about the incident and that absolutely nobody should mention it to him, else he might panic. And we all know what happened the last time somebody caused him to panic." Kevin tears the piece of paper down the middle and meets his brother's eyes.

"Oh, um, I should have maybe read that announcement myself." Cecil clears his throat, looking guilty, "But anyway, I think that's all we have time for today. Good night, Night Vale, good..." 

He stops. He doesn't continue. The on-air button blinks out slowly. 

"Soooo, tell me all about your date, Cecil. Tell me about how adorable Carlos was and how he figured out a way to shake equal amounts of salt and pepper on the food or how he was able to tell the entire history of the building from inspecting the bricks it was built out of. Really, I waited up all night until you came home just so that I could hear about it!" 

It's a few days later and Kevin is sitting with his feet up on their coffee table, a copy of the Night Vale Daily Journal open in his hands. According to the page he's currently reading, Old Woman Josie is proud to announce the new opera house as now being open for business. He honestly can't wait to read more, he's flicking to page fourteen right now for more details. And maybe it's because he's reading the journal that he's surprised when it's suddenly ripped out of his hands. Cecil is standing over him, crease between his eyebrows, and his tie loose around his neck. 

"Cecil, why aren't you saying anything?" Kevin raises an eyebrow, "Normally, you're so keen to talk about your beautiful boyfriend. Aren't we all? The whole town loves Carlos." 

Still, Cecil doesn't say anything. He just rubs at his temples like he's exhausted by just the thought of speaking and he pulls his tie off slowly and tosses it aside. Then, he sits down on the other side of the couch, as far from Kevin as he possibly can. He rubs his hands together, looking like he's thinking hard about what to say, before he exhales. 

"Kevin." He says, "I cannot even begin to comprehend what goes through your mind." 

"Oh, you and me both. You'd think as twins, we'd understand each other a little better." Kevin frowns, "I wonder if your boyfriend could work out why we're so incompatible when we're almost exactly the same person. Our genes are identical. We should be the same." 

"How long did you spy on us from outside before you decided to come into the restaurant and ruin absolutely everything?" Cecil asks, straight to the point as ever, "And how many months have you been planning to try and destroy my relationships? Kevin, how much of your time do you spend planning these crazy attempts to break me up with all of my boyfriends?" 

"You should be thanking me, Cecil. He was just going to abandon you like Earl did." Kevin says.

"No, no he wasn't- do you even hear yourself?" He's frustrated, "Do you even stop to think if any of the things you say even make the slightest bit of sense?" 

"Aw, don't be mad." Kevin grins, "You know I only intervene because I worry about you."


End file.
